So I just held my 10 year old, us both in tears.
She realized the imminence of our departure and having only one more full day with my parents to herself to do nothing else but all kinds of fun projects that the “Grands” are so good at.
She felt paralyzed, and not able to know what the very next thing she was supposed to do-- actually was. So I cried too and told her what that next moment held, and that we had to get through the moments one at a time. Tonight is a sleepover with The Grands, so the next moment for her was to snuggle next to Gran in the backseat.
The gifts in life that she (we) experience are so indescribably amazing. Missing a field trip to a park due to bad weather ultimately does not compare to our World History field trip to London together. Or our search for snow landing us together on the ski slopes in Colorado. Or spending hours making a wooden jewelry box together with Grandad…sewing a doll dress together with Gran…making a gourmet ‘meal’ for their uncle from items collected out of the front yard. Going to our school co-op together, beside the flowing Nile River. Showing the delight of bubbles to Ugandan children who had never played with them before.
Those things are true—and many more!
But the debilitating reality of spending the next 3 or so years away from our family puts us in a tail spin for a bit.
If you love one place, do you hate the other? How can I miss one place but not want to leave the other?
|starting the 50th year together, celebrating 49!|
I don’t like it (I dare not say “it’s not fair!”).
It only gets harder, not easier.
It doesn’t help me when I’m crying with my daughter, to think of how many people have done this already.
So that’s when all I can find comfort in, is that it’s ok to only have enough emotional strength for the next step. That it’s ok to cry in front of my kids—the reality is hard for them the same as hard for me and we will walk through these next steps together.
5 This is what God the LORD, YAHWEH, says-
5 This is what God the LORD, YAHWEH, says-
He who created the heavens and stretched them out,
who spread out the earth and all that comes out of it,
who gives breath to its people,
and life to those who walk on it:
6 "I, the LORD, have called you in righteousness, in accordance with the righteous purpose;
I will take hold of your hand.
I will keep you and will make you to be a pledge and promise for the people,
and a light for the Gentiles,
7 to open eyes that are blind,
to free captives from prison and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness.
Were these words to Isaiah, or telling of the Messiah to come, or perhaps even reach through the ages to apply to you and me?
The next weeks for us hold dear and precious days. The holidays bring family together, and we will relish every moment. But that’s jolted here and there by hugs and tears of saying goodbye again. And mental and paper tallying of estimation of shoe sizes for the girls for 3 years, and (not counting house-hold furnishings) can we reduce what we need and want for 3 years into those 12 trunks? Am I prepared for my 9 & 10 year old kids to come back at ages 12 & 13?
I have spent so much time and energy planning and preparing for the road ahead. I have figured out how many toiletries I need to take of this or that x 4 people x 3 years.
And now, I am reminded by my precious girl that we need just light for the next step sometimes.
I ran across some words that I don’t know where they came from, sounds like A Voskamp:
“You are doing something great with your life – when you’re doing all the small things with His Great love.
You are changing the world – when you are changing one person’s world.
You aren’t missing your best life – when you aren’t missing opportunities to love like Christ.
Living radical isn’t about where you live — it’s about how you love.
It’s about realizing– Love doesn’t happen when you arrive in a certain place. It happens when your heart arrives in a certain place – wherever you are, right where you are, dirt road Africa or side street America.
Because it isn’t where we love. It’s how we love. It’s who we love.
Radical isn’t as much about where you move – but about looking into the face of Jesus – and letting Him move you where you are.”
tail spin - roller coaster - multi personality season of life...
At the time when we give gifts to many of those we love, and ultimately remember and celebrate the Life who gives me life.
One moment at a time...